After divorce, don't make the kids your messengers

It's not easy to talk to your ex during the divorce process or even after the case gets finalized. Maybe you never wanted to end the marriage. Perhaps your spouse left you for someone else. The last thing you want to do is give them a call or sit down in a room together and have a face-to-face conversation.

Instead, you decide to start sending your messages with the children. You just tell them what you want your ex to know and ask them to relate any response to you when you see them again. Maybe you text them when you know they're with your ex to check up on it. Since you have shared custody, it seems like the perfect solution.

It's not. Experts warn against using the kids as messengers. It's just not fair to them. They did not ask to be in the middle of this situation. You never want to make them feel like they have to pick sides. You also don't want to pass your own divorce stress on to them.

Remember, your goal as parents should be to make this whole thing go smoothly for the kids. You want to reduce the impact on them and give them the best life you can after the split. They're not messengers. They're children. You need to put them first.

At the same time, it's understandable that communication can be difficult. Take the time to look into all of your rights and legal options. You can find a solution that allows you to communicate without creating extra stress for you, the kids or even your ex.

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